What a run of extraordinary shoots and models I had June through August!
Each person I worked with -- importantly -- is compelling as a person, someone I'd gladly count as a friend in times to come regardless of whether modeling is ever again an option. Each is adventurous, engaged 100% during the shoot and full of positive energy. And each is extremely easy on the eyes. The hard work and discipline that's been required for Chad, Oocelot & Nathan to develop their bodies is evident. It would be pretty difficult to take a bad picture of any of them.
So I've been blessed in my choice of people both to work with and to count among my friends.
Yet, for the past two weeks I haven't been able to bring myself to return to the computer to edit any more of their images. Normally the editing process is something I enjoy as much as the shoot itself. It's taking the raw images to the next level -- finding and revealing the core of the image; if you will, its integrity. Sometimes, it's an emotion, sometimes raw eroticism, sometimes a fleeting look, sometimes just beautiful form --but almost always a celebration of something special I discovered about that person.
What's up with me? Why haven't I dug into the editing process like I usually do? I honestly don't have an answer -- just some unformed ideas that are percolating through my thick skull.
Something that I've become acutely aware of personally is that I need feedback.
For example, I've sent several of the superior photos to online blogs such as Beautiful among others. Again, not even a "yep, we got your photos" yet the work they do publish varies in quality from the highly imaginative, creative work of Justin Monroe to the static, but well-lit studio work by Dylan Rosser. Now I know my work isn't at the level of some photographers out there; but I also know it is more than a match for a lot of what does get published. Yet, somehow I don't know which door to go to -- or even to knock at. All of which leaves me wondering, is any of this worth the time and effort?
I truly enjoy the process of planning and creating the shoots and -- usually -- love the editing process which follows. Yet, if the audience is to be myself, my computer and the occasional visitor to the galleries on ModelMayhem and deviantArt, what's the point?
So, yesterday, I was having a long "catch up" conversation with my former housemate and good friend, Karen, who recently moved back to Kentucky to reinvent herself there after nearly 15 years here in Key West. Among many other (mostly positive) things, I shared with her my frustration at not being able to make a break into this business. That perhaps I should do the occasional shoot just for the fun of it; and forget the notion of making a living from it. Despite enormous talent and intelligence, Karen is experiencing some similar frustrations and self doubts in her current creative endeavors. I suppose we both suffer from the "if you build it, they will come" syndrome. We share the belief that if you're doing something out of some internal joy, that somehow that effort can turn into something that sustains you financially as well. Call it the dreamer in me.
Yet in the meanderings of our conversation, I realized that perhaps I'm just not dreaming big enough. While I totally love my "nekkid guy" photography, I realized as I spoke with her, that it's the process of making compelling images that speaks to me at a more fundamental level.
I'm in awe of people who can tell a story with images -- whether it's a picture in National Geographic, a clip on television or a full-blown documentary or movie. Images that capture the imagination and move people beyond current awareness are a part of what changes the world in which we live and, hopefully, leave it a better place.
I'd like to think that I can do that. I'm at a point in life when most people start to think about retiring. Instead I'm thinking about how I can start creating. I also know I need to become more knowledgeable and skilled at what I do to create truly compelling work.
Guess I need to let it percolate a bit more; but somehow I sense that the same hard work and discipline Chad, Oocelot & Nathan have endured to create their bodies will be required of me to create my craft.
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