In the wake of a perfect shoot...

What a run of extraordinary shoots and models I had June through August!

Each person I worked with -- importantly -- is compelling as a person, someone I'd gladly count as a friend in times to come regardless of whether modeling is ever again an option. Each is adventurous, engaged 100% during the shoot and full of positive energy. And each is extremely easy on the eyes. The hard work and discipline that's been required for Chad, Oocelot & Nathan to develop their bodies is evident. It would be pretty difficult to take a bad picture of any of them.

So I've been blessed in my choice of people both to work with and to count among my friends.

Yet, for the past two weeks I haven't been able to bring myself to return to the computer to edit any more of their images. Normally the editing process is something I enjoy as much as the shoot itself. It's taking the raw images to the next level -- finding and revealing the core of the image; if you will, its integrity. Sometimes, it's an emotion, sometimes raw eroticism, sometimes a fleeting look, sometimes just beautiful form --but almost always a celebration of something special I discovered about that person.

What's up with me? Why haven't I dug into the editing process like I usually do? I honestly don't have an answer -- just some unformed ideas that are percolating through my thick skull.

Something that I've become acutely aware of personally is that I need feedback.

For example, I've sent several of the superior photos to online blogs such as Beautiful among others. Again, not even a "yep, we got your photos" yet the work they do publish varies in quality from the highly imaginative, creative work of Justin Monroe to the static, but well-lit studio work by Dylan Rosser. Now I know my work isn't at the level of some photographers out there; but I also know it is more than a match for a lot of what does get published. Yet, somehow I don't know which door to go to -- or even to knock at. All of which leaves me wondering, is any of this worth the time and effort?

I truly enjoy the process of planning and creating the shoots and -- usually -- love the editing process which follows. Yet, if the audience is to be myself, my computer and the occasional visitor to the galleries on ModelMayhem and deviantArt, what's the point?

So, yesterday, I was having a long "catch up" conversation with my former housemate and good friend, Karen, who recently moved back to Kentucky to reinvent herself there after nearly 15 years here in Key West. Among many other (mostly positive) things, I shared with her my frustration at not being able to make a break into this business. That perhaps I should do the occasional shoot just for the fun of it; and forget the notion of making a living from it. Despite enormous talent and intelligence, Karen is experiencing some similar frustrations and self doubts in her current creative endeavors. I suppose we both suffer from the "if you build it, they will come" syndrome. We share the belief that if you're doing something out of some internal joy, that somehow that effort can turn into something that sustains you financially as well. Call it the dreamer in me.

Yet in the meanderings of our conversation, I realized that perhaps I'm just not dreaming big enough. While I totally love my "nekkid guy" photography, I realized as I spoke with her, that it's the process of making compelling images that speaks to me at a more fundamental level.

I'm in awe of people who can tell a story with images -- whether it's a picture in National Geographic, a clip on television or a full-blown documentary or movie. Images that capture the imagination and move people beyond current awareness are a part of what changes the world in which we live and, hopefully, leave it a better place.

I'd like to think that I can do that. I'm at a point in life when most people start to think about retiring. Instead I'm thinking about how I can start creating. I also know I need to become more knowledgeable and skilled at what I do to create truly compelling work.

Guess I need to let it percolate a bit more; but somehow I sense that the same hard work and discipline Chad, Oocelot & Nathan have endured to create their bodies will be required of me to create my craft.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Showing my age, the song "Do Re Mi" from Roger & Hammerstein's The Sound of Music starts off "Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start..."

And that's what today has principally been about.

Four days ago I noticed I was no longer getting e-mail from my studio4496 accounts. There have been occasional intermittent outages in the past, which usually self-corrected after a few hours, so I didn't think much of it. Second day, the same; so I sent an e-mail from my gmail account to the web host provider...no response. Odd, this fellow is both an old friend and one of the most conscientious people I've ever known in my life. If something is going wrong with any of the sites he manages, he's all over it until it's fixed. Then...my e-mail to him bounced back on the third day. Even stranger. So finally, Friday (yesterday) I took the unusual step of calling him on his landline.

The first words from his mouth, "You were the next person on my long list to call!"

As it turns out, the server farm from whom he leases his space, had been sold without any prior knowledge given to him. All the sites he manages literally had been pulled down from the Internet in the transfer. And none have repopulated. He didn't even have access to his own Web sites (hence the reason my e-mail to him bounced back -- no sites, no e-mail).

Today has been spent reconstructing the infrastructure of my Studio4496 web site. If you go to the site at the moment, there's just a place holder. I have a new DNS in place, new unique IP address, no e-mail as yet (other than here on gmail). After six hours of working on it all, I just ran out of steam. There is a backup copy of the legacy site which he'll be sending me; but -- in some ways -- this outage is forcing me to do what I've been planning to do for almost a whole year -- redesign the entire site. And, perhaps more importantly, retool my own skill sets in the process. I may or may not republish the legacy site -- just not sure yet.

So my two steps forward -- amazing shoots with the likes of Nathan (pictured above in his sheik scenario), Oocelot & Chad -- over the past six weeks. And my one step back -- no way to share them with the world at the moment.

Needless to say, there's a steep learning curve ahead. First I have to purchase the new Adobe Creative Suite (major investment I've been saving for) then I have to bring myself up to speed very quickly on Dreamweaver first (all the sites I'd built in the past were built in the now-defunct Frontpage) as well as some of the other new tools in the suite.

While this unexpected turn of events is delaying some of the things I'd hoped to be doing (like editing right now), it's also forcing me to retool myself more quickly for the next step in this journey toward producing a major porn site. I've had several near successes in the past; but now the confluence of a more mature photographic style, working with great models (and realizing how much I love the work), the disappearance of all my old work other than ModelMayhem and DeviantArt, and the immediate need to unlearn and relearn everything I ever knew about about Web design is the necessary kick in the proverbial pants I needed to get back to the "very beginning". Today's phone calls to godaddy to re-establish ownership of my domains, the work on the most basic server side stuff just to get a placeholder in place (I'll tackle e-mail tomorrow) is all very unglamorous; but a necessary part of the learning curve. It really is only one step back that, hopefully, will make the next steps forward much more functional and productive.

With regard to my throwaway statement above "journey toward producing a major porn site", I realize after reading and rereading my post "In for penny, in for a pound" that I was talking about my own ambivalence as much as Oocelot's. I've been so hung up on whether the work is art (or not) that I've prevented myself from fully engaging in what I enjoy. I just need to start thinking of it as a business -- that I enjoy as do the models -- and know full well there's a market for.

And I've finally figured out that no one is getting used in this business unless they allow themselves to be. Most models understand that the objectification that occurs in porn isn't about them as a person; but about their body. The body becomes a product; but not the person. For some it's dfficult to separate the two -- and, if that's the case, they probably aren't going to be particularly well suited for doing porn. On the other hand, for others it's an absolute blast seeing themselves in a totally light through different eyes. The objectification becomes a point of power.

So I also started the conversation today about totally re-thinking the old mansimage.com site, which was initially successful, but languished partially from my own hangups about "porn" and partially because my business partner got swept away for a period with a number of personal issues. We've reconnected and have found our relationship is just as strong as it ever was -- perhaps stronger because of what we've each experienced over the past three years. And, importantly, the infrastructure for that site is still intact and much of the old material is useable so we'll even have an initial inventory of photos, videos and behind-the-scenes interviews. We just need to rethink what works in the current market and redesign accordingly. The learning curve I'll go through to rebuild my own site will make that site even better.

Yesterday, it felt like a step back. Today, it's feeling like several steps forward. The beginning really is a very good place start.

Weekend Afterglow

This morning's 5 AM trip to the airport to drop off Nathan Lewis was bittersweet. It was the end of one of the most memorable photographic shooting weekends I've ever had. And that's saying a lot as I've recently been blessed with working with such people as Alan Valdez, Oocelot & Chad Glenn.

The three-day shoot with Nathan Lewis from the UK has been in the planning stages for months. It wasn't without a few bumps from the environment that impacted some of our planned shoots; but other opportunities appeared balancing off the negatives. In fact, as I packed up the lighting equipment from the Monday morning shoot at one of Key West's grand houses (see photo of Nathan above), I realized I was the most content I've been in years. I believe this work truly is my next calling.

The weekend was further enhanced by the presence and participation of my friend Stephen (Figurative Male on ModelMayhem.com) from Palm Springs. It's hard to imagine two people with whom I'd rather spend a long weekend. As a further treat artist/photographer extraordinaire David Vance was visiting in Key West so as a celebratory conclusion to our shoot Nathan surprised David & me with dinner together. David's infectious conversation about his art was just the perfect icing on an already perfect confection of time.

After the airport run the real world waited -- shower, shave, the day job (sailed through some tough customers on the leftover eurphoria), an advisory board meeting immediately thereafter, then my volunteer bookkeeper duties for my church. Finally got home at 9:30 PM to make a quick supper and am now entering these few words.

The afterglow is still going (and I suspect will for a while). Nonetheless, there will no doubt be more thoughtful and analytical comments in the near future. And exhaustion is finally setting in so -- for now, if you happen to be reading this -- thank you Nathan; thank you Stephen. In addition to some extraordinary work for which I'll begin the editing process tomorrow, more importantly, I know in Nathan I've initiated a new friendship and with Stephen I've strengthened an already wonderful relationship.

I'm beginning to sound a little maudlin so best to quit before I spill beer on the keyboard. Photos of both are included above.