In the wake of a perfect shoot...

What a run of extraordinary shoots and models I had June through August!

Each person I worked with -- importantly -- is compelling as a person, someone I'd gladly count as a friend in times to come regardless of whether modeling is ever again an option. Each is adventurous, engaged 100% during the shoot and full of positive energy. And each is extremely easy on the eyes. The hard work and discipline that's been required for Chad, Oocelot & Nathan to develop their bodies is evident. It would be pretty difficult to take a bad picture of any of them.

So I've been blessed in my choice of people both to work with and to count among my friends.

Yet, for the past two weeks I haven't been able to bring myself to return to the computer to edit any more of their images. Normally the editing process is something I enjoy as much as the shoot itself. It's taking the raw images to the next level -- finding and revealing the core of the image; if you will, its integrity. Sometimes, it's an emotion, sometimes raw eroticism, sometimes a fleeting look, sometimes just beautiful form --but almost always a celebration of something special I discovered about that person.

What's up with me? Why haven't I dug into the editing process like I usually do? I honestly don't have an answer -- just some unformed ideas that are percolating through my thick skull.

Something that I've become acutely aware of personally is that I need feedback.

For example, I've sent several of the superior photos to online blogs such as Beautiful among others. Again, not even a "yep, we got your photos" yet the work they do publish varies in quality from the highly imaginative, creative work of Justin Monroe to the static, but well-lit studio work by Dylan Rosser. Now I know my work isn't at the level of some photographers out there; but I also know it is more than a match for a lot of what does get published. Yet, somehow I don't know which door to go to -- or even to knock at. All of which leaves me wondering, is any of this worth the time and effort?

I truly enjoy the process of planning and creating the shoots and -- usually -- love the editing process which follows. Yet, if the audience is to be myself, my computer and the occasional visitor to the galleries on ModelMayhem and deviantArt, what's the point?

So, yesterday, I was having a long "catch up" conversation with my former housemate and good friend, Karen, who recently moved back to Kentucky to reinvent herself there after nearly 15 years here in Key West. Among many other (mostly positive) things, I shared with her my frustration at not being able to make a break into this business. That perhaps I should do the occasional shoot just for the fun of it; and forget the notion of making a living from it. Despite enormous talent and intelligence, Karen is experiencing some similar frustrations and self doubts in her current creative endeavors. I suppose we both suffer from the "if you build it, they will come" syndrome. We share the belief that if you're doing something out of some internal joy, that somehow that effort can turn into something that sustains you financially as well. Call it the dreamer in me.

Yet in the meanderings of our conversation, I realized that perhaps I'm just not dreaming big enough. While I totally love my "nekkid guy" photography, I realized as I spoke with her, that it's the process of making compelling images that speaks to me at a more fundamental level.

I'm in awe of people who can tell a story with images -- whether it's a picture in National Geographic, a clip on television or a full-blown documentary or movie. Images that capture the imagination and move people beyond current awareness are a part of what changes the world in which we live and, hopefully, leave it a better place.

I'd like to think that I can do that. I'm at a point in life when most people start to think about retiring. Instead I'm thinking about how I can start creating. I also know I need to become more knowledgeable and skilled at what I do to create truly compelling work.

Guess I need to let it percolate a bit more; but somehow I sense that the same hard work and discipline Chad, Oocelot & Nathan have endured to create their bodies will be required of me to create my craft.

Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

Showing my age, the song "Do Re Mi" from Roger & Hammerstein's The Sound of Music starts off "Let's start at the very beginning, a very good place to start..."

And that's what today has principally been about.

Four days ago I noticed I was no longer getting e-mail from my studio4496 accounts. There have been occasional intermittent outages in the past, which usually self-corrected after a few hours, so I didn't think much of it. Second day, the same; so I sent an e-mail from my gmail account to the web host provider...no response. Odd, this fellow is both an old friend and one of the most conscientious people I've ever known in my life. If something is going wrong with any of the sites he manages, he's all over it until it's fixed. Then...my e-mail to him bounced back on the third day. Even stranger. So finally, Friday (yesterday) I took the unusual step of calling him on his landline.

The first words from his mouth, "You were the next person on my long list to call!"

As it turns out, the server farm from whom he leases his space, had been sold without any prior knowledge given to him. All the sites he manages literally had been pulled down from the Internet in the transfer. And none have repopulated. He didn't even have access to his own Web sites (hence the reason my e-mail to him bounced back -- no sites, no e-mail).

Today has been spent reconstructing the infrastructure of my Studio4496 web site. If you go to the site at the moment, there's just a place holder. I have a new DNS in place, new unique IP address, no e-mail as yet (other than here on gmail). After six hours of working on it all, I just ran out of steam. There is a backup copy of the legacy site which he'll be sending me; but -- in some ways -- this outage is forcing me to do what I've been planning to do for almost a whole year -- redesign the entire site. And, perhaps more importantly, retool my own skill sets in the process. I may or may not republish the legacy site -- just not sure yet.

So my two steps forward -- amazing shoots with the likes of Nathan (pictured above in his sheik scenario), Oocelot & Chad -- over the past six weeks. And my one step back -- no way to share them with the world at the moment.

Needless to say, there's a steep learning curve ahead. First I have to purchase the new Adobe Creative Suite (major investment I've been saving for) then I have to bring myself up to speed very quickly on Dreamweaver first (all the sites I'd built in the past were built in the now-defunct Frontpage) as well as some of the other new tools in the suite.

While this unexpected turn of events is delaying some of the things I'd hoped to be doing (like editing right now), it's also forcing me to retool myself more quickly for the next step in this journey toward producing a major porn site. I've had several near successes in the past; but now the confluence of a more mature photographic style, working with great models (and realizing how much I love the work), the disappearance of all my old work other than ModelMayhem and DeviantArt, and the immediate need to unlearn and relearn everything I ever knew about about Web design is the necessary kick in the proverbial pants I needed to get back to the "very beginning". Today's phone calls to godaddy to re-establish ownership of my domains, the work on the most basic server side stuff just to get a placeholder in place (I'll tackle e-mail tomorrow) is all very unglamorous; but a necessary part of the learning curve. It really is only one step back that, hopefully, will make the next steps forward much more functional and productive.

With regard to my throwaway statement above "journey toward producing a major porn site", I realize after reading and rereading my post "In for penny, in for a pound" that I was talking about my own ambivalence as much as Oocelot's. I've been so hung up on whether the work is art (or not) that I've prevented myself from fully engaging in what I enjoy. I just need to start thinking of it as a business -- that I enjoy as do the models -- and know full well there's a market for.

And I've finally figured out that no one is getting used in this business unless they allow themselves to be. Most models understand that the objectification that occurs in porn isn't about them as a person; but about their body. The body becomes a product; but not the person. For some it's dfficult to separate the two -- and, if that's the case, they probably aren't going to be particularly well suited for doing porn. On the other hand, for others it's an absolute blast seeing themselves in a totally light through different eyes. The objectification becomes a point of power.

So I also started the conversation today about totally re-thinking the old mansimage.com site, which was initially successful, but languished partially from my own hangups about "porn" and partially because my business partner got swept away for a period with a number of personal issues. We've reconnected and have found our relationship is just as strong as it ever was -- perhaps stronger because of what we've each experienced over the past three years. And, importantly, the infrastructure for that site is still intact and much of the old material is useable so we'll even have an initial inventory of photos, videos and behind-the-scenes interviews. We just need to rethink what works in the current market and redesign accordingly. The learning curve I'll go through to rebuild my own site will make that site even better.

Yesterday, it felt like a step back. Today, it's feeling like several steps forward. The beginning really is a very good place start.

Weekend Afterglow

This morning's 5 AM trip to the airport to drop off Nathan Lewis was bittersweet. It was the end of one of the most memorable photographic shooting weekends I've ever had. And that's saying a lot as I've recently been blessed with working with such people as Alan Valdez, Oocelot & Chad Glenn.

The three-day shoot with Nathan Lewis from the UK has been in the planning stages for months. It wasn't without a few bumps from the environment that impacted some of our planned shoots; but other opportunities appeared balancing off the negatives. In fact, as I packed up the lighting equipment from the Monday morning shoot at one of Key West's grand houses (see photo of Nathan above), I realized I was the most content I've been in years. I believe this work truly is my next calling.

The weekend was further enhanced by the presence and participation of my friend Stephen (Figurative Male on ModelMayhem.com) from Palm Springs. It's hard to imagine two people with whom I'd rather spend a long weekend. As a further treat artist/photographer extraordinaire David Vance was visiting in Key West so as a celebratory conclusion to our shoot Nathan surprised David & me with dinner together. David's infectious conversation about his art was just the perfect icing on an already perfect confection of time.

After the airport run the real world waited -- shower, shave, the day job (sailed through some tough customers on the leftover eurphoria), an advisory board meeting immediately thereafter, then my volunteer bookkeeper duties for my church. Finally got home at 9:30 PM to make a quick supper and am now entering these few words.

The afterglow is still going (and I suspect will for a while). Nonetheless, there will no doubt be more thoughtful and analytical comments in the near future. And exhaustion is finally setting in so -- for now, if you happen to be reading this -- thank you Nathan; thank you Stephen. In addition to some extraordinary work for which I'll begin the editing process tomorrow, more importantly, I know in Nathan I've initiated a new friendship and with Stephen I've strengthened an already wonderful relationship.

I'm beginning to sound a little maudlin so best to quit before I spill beer on the keyboard. Photos of both are included above.

The Train is Out of the Station

I achieved my goal of finishing my first-ever submission for publication one day early. Now comes the months of waiting with no feedback.

The process of going through so many images was humbling. There's so much work involved. Many (in my estimation) were worthy photos; but humbling in the sense that, as I revisited all this work, only a few began to "pop" as memorable.

There were six submissions: five calendar style submissions in horizontal formats and one "other" submission of favorite verticals. The 40,000 plus images shot over the past four years have been boiled down to 258 images. I suspect the art director on the receiving end is wishing I was a better editor. But you have to start somewhere.

I have to be on the road in about six hours to start all over again.

I'm picking up Nathan Lewis from the UK tomorrow at the Miami airport. It's a four hour drive up and four hours back to Key West. So no shooting tomorrow; but then we embark upon a three-day marathon. Should be great fun.

Time to get to bed.

Three down, three to go...

With the July 31st deadline rapidly approaching for my submission to Lighthouse publications, I've now completed 80% of the selection and editing process. Over the course of the past two weeks I've reviewed close to 50,000 photos done over the past four years to winnow it down to the few that I think may have a chance in the world of commercial male figurative photography.


Interestingly, one quick "no" for the calendar submissions was any photograph shot in a vertical format. That immediately eliminated about 90% of my work. A lot of my portrait work I shoot as horizontals; but not that many nudes unless there's something about the setting that demands it. So just by knowing that one requirement, I've now learned I'm going to have to start thinking differently in the future and look for both horizontal and vertical possibilities in every setting. That should push a few creative buttons down the road.


I'm putting together six different submissions: two calendar submissions are of individual models -- Chad & Oocelot -- simply because both are amazing models, neither has been overexposed (so to speak) in the market, the work is recent, and -- in some ways represents some of my best work. There are three other calendar submissions of different models I've worked with over the past four years: beefcake (non-nude twenty-something boys next door); art nudes and erotic nudes, mostly of more mature men. And, finally, there were too many good vertical shots not to send a few. So I put together a compilation of about 80 "best" photos (this time mostly vertical) that really don't fit any of the publisher's categories. But each tells its own story. Hopefully, a few may find a home as a greeting card or on the page of one of their publications.


I still have a few days work to go; but know I'll make the deadline -- just in time to start all over again with a shoot I've been planning for months with the amazing Nathan Lewis from the UK, who's on a shooting work/vacation tour of the US during July & August. (BTW Nathan was one of the three finalists to become the "face" of MenAtPlay. You can see his audition photos and video at http://www.menatplay.com/ )


So, after reviewing about 50,000 photos I've learned a lot about my work and know it's going to force me to rethink a number of things. There are stylistic and content issues I know I'm going to have to start working on, which I'll discuss in future posts. But especially I'm going to need to rethink the whole concept of themes. As I look through the work of other successful photographers, not only do they have a certain unique look, but also they tend to shoot consistently for a period of time around a specific idea, e.g. Dylan Rosser's "red" theme or Mark Henderson's "household" theme. I guess it's the male photography equivalent of having a "hook" or in marketing jargon, unique selling point.


Also upon review I've learned both the good news; and the bad news about my work.


The good news is that my images don't look like anything you see in the men's magazines, i.e. there's some originality and creativity there.


The bad news is that my images don't look like anything you see in the men's magazines, i.e. I'm fighting an uphill battle for what's considered commercially viable in this market.


It'll be most interesting to see which, if any, of the six submissions are chosen. Is it original enough to intrigue an art director's imagination; yet safe enough to make the financial gamble?

In for a penny, in for a pound?

The past weekend's shoot with Oocelot was--as expected--remarkable. We did eleven sets in about 8-9 hours of shooting over a day and a half. Each is very different in character and look. Once again, as with Chad Glenn on July 4th, I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed with both the quality and quantity of what I need to edit. I now have literally thousands of images of the two of them to review with the goal of finding the best to edit and try to place either in the art and/or commercial market.

While Oocelot is relatively new to being in front of a camera, he's a graphic artist with an extraordinary eye. So he's quickly learning to see in his mind's eye what the camera sees and moves to poses which further flatter his already amazing physique. With each session we both learn something new about our mutual crafts and how they contribute to a successful image -- or not, as is sometimes the case. Almost always when looking at the outtakes from each set we agreed on which images were the strongest. I can hardly wait to work with him again -- already planned for one of the last two weekends in September, hopefully, with Chad doing some co-modeling.

Unlike a number of photographers who, when they "discover" someone, try to keep him under wraps, I'm encouraging Oocelot to shoot with as many photographers as he can. He'll only get better having multiple experiences with different photographers' styles and methods.

(Just a quick side note here -- from a purely selfish / commercial standpoint I understand why photographers keep a lid on their finds -- the images are more likely to sell. Collectors & art directors become addicted to particular models more so than the work of a particular photographer / artist. So if you can control the source, you are more likely to give yourself a better chance at an income stream from the exclusive images. On the other hand, it always struck me as totally unfair to the model, both financially and professionally.

However, I remember a few years ago sending photos of my "find" Peter Stevens to an agent. Next thing I knew he was a two-time centerfold in Playgirl as well as featured in several exercise magazines. I never even got a "thank you" from the agent much less an offer to do any of those shoots. Nonetheless, I was happy for Peter -- it set him off on a very successful career. And, I probably still need to learn that lesson since I continue to feel the pinch of hundreds of hours of work with him and no reward.)

But back to Oocelot. There's no way I would consider holding him back even if I could. It's no surprise his images are already getting noticed. And, consequently, offers of all sorts are coming his way. Everything from guys with cameras to successful commercial photographers to porn producers. And his interest is piqued -- especially with the offers from the porn companies. Both the money and the fantasy intrigue him. I suspect by the time we do our September shoot, he'll no longer be using the moniker Oocelot, but will be sporting some provocative alias.

While I can't speak for him and don't know what his ultimate decision will be, I know it's both difficult and is very tempting at the same time. As long as you're working for a reputable production company whose practices are ethical, who wouldn't enjoy getting paid for doing something you enjoy anyway? In the context of a porn production company, it's possible to play out (hopefully safely) some of those fantasies many dream about, but few ever experience. And with Oocelot's look and body, I suspect if he enjoys the shoots, he's someone whose career wouldn't end with just a video or two, but could grow into something substantial as long as he wants it.

We talked about it a lot over the weekend. And I have to admit that I have some conflicted feelings. If I were his age, had his looks and charisma, I'd probably take the offers -- if for no other reason than to do some personal exploration (and also for the money and fantasy). But in our conversations, Oocelot said something that struck me as profound, which I'd never thought about quite in the same vein. And it left a bit of a knot in my stomach. (My stuff, not his.)

A close paraphrase goes something like this. "When you're modeling you're using your body to sell something -- a product, a fantasy, a sensation. But when, you're doing porn your body becomes the product."

In other words, you have to find a place in your own mind to objectify yourself and be okay with that. You're no longer "you" but -- in the crassest term -- a piece of meat to be fucked or to fuck. That's both exhilirating and frightening. Exhilirating, in the sense that it allows you to be something other than "you" as you've come to know yourself. Frightening, in the sense that you don't know where it can lead. And, of course, once the video is out there, it's something you can't take back. It becomes not only a part of how others view you when you're walking through the supermarket aisle, but it begins defining a different you.

So here I've been doing my "nekkid guy" photography for years. Many of the images are erotic; so are -- in the eyes of some folks -- pornographic. (That's a whole other blog topic --- is it art or is it tart?) But I've never put a model in the position of needing to objectify himself. The images I've done tend to peer into the "who" of the person I'm working with rather than the "what". On the one hand, I'm kinda proud of that. I'm always respectful and take the approach that a shoot is a mutual adventure, a discovery, if you will. On the other, maybe that's the edge that's missing in my work -- a fear of diving into the rabbit hole to see what really lies beneath the surface. Am I simply doing the modern-day male equivalent of early Playboy pastiche? Pretty, but passe'?

Regardless of his decision, I know Oocelot's will be the right one for himself because he already understands that he'll be diving down the rabbit hole and knows the consequences should he enter.

As for me, I know I'm in a bit of quandary right now. I'm doing some of the best work I've ever done; yet Oocelot's conversation with me about porn has got me to thinking I may have been working tangentially. More thinking to be done here. As they say, TBD.

I've been in for the penny for quite a while. Maybe it's time to go for the pound?

Off to a shoot...

Oocelot drove down to Key West to do a second shoot this weekend. We're starting late because we talked into the early morning hours like long-lost sisters. I guess one problem I have with being a would-be commercial (get 'em in, get 'em out) photographer is I really just like getting to know the people I work with as much as I enjoy shooting them. And, for the most part, I seem to attract people who are compelling in ways other than just their amazing bodies.

We came up with some interesting ideas. The car is packed, we've had some breakfast and coffee and he's in the shower doing what models do best -- making sure he looks good. While waiting I'm writing this two paragraph post. We're both charged up for the day's adventure with each other. The energy is already "on" for both of us. Stay tuned for some great outtakes here, on ModelMayhem and deviantArt over the next few days. Oh, by the way, that's Oocelot in the picture above. Enjoy.